I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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