I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
