cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
