That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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