Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
