OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
