honey bunches of taint.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
