mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
