Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
