If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
