I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
