theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
