He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
