he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I got inside last night via doggy door
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
