Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
