I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
