those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
