Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
