sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
there was a trapeze. enough said
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
