Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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