would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
