I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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