Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
