i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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