sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Shame - the story of my life.
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