I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
