I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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