Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
