Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
