I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
