Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My penis needs a shock collar
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
