this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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