he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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