i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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