who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
only you would photoshop your dick
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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