I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
