There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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