I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
