Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
we made out on top of his cat.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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