It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
