Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
