I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
