My cat gives me a boner
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
