shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She tied me up with her honor cords...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
