All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize