checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
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