I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
