My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The air was thick with penises
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
