Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
