How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Randomize
