My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
